SEAT BELTS IN THE NIGHT

I just know there is something

Special about the way we treat

Each other when were left

To ourselves

Just us alone

And your white shelves

Your soft satin gloves

Stay folded, perfectly wrapped

In white cord to the walls

My toothbrush waits so patient

Jumping on your bed

Like a child

We squeeze and hold so tight

Like seat belts in the night

You demand that I roll

Over when you do

I never chose this path with you

I never even chose you

But something inside of me

Has this pull

This rudimentary lull

The way your skin taste

Like water

And you hair is the air

And I let my hands surf

The wind

Out the window

On the freeway

I stay spaced out

And glazed

Sometimes taking days

Just to think about

How much stuff we

Really could do together

If there was someway

To hold this fragile flame

Through this November rain

To be the picture

And the frame

But deep down

I know sometimes

It’s cities that pass us

And days when you

Don’t even say my name

Sometimes I think

I’m crazy and this is all in my head

You act so surprised

When you hear it

You’re like what and how

And I’m like here and now

And together we both pretend

That this isn’t real

But deep down

I remember

The way I used to be

The lovers

That I refused to see

The ones

That were, just too real

When I wasn’t ready

And so beautifully distracted

Like glass being compacted

We shatter and crumble

Every time you leave town

And so the cycle begins again

We start over as friends

You talk to me even further than

Before, holding these hoops

I must jump through

Then the kisses and then the hugs

The strength of the drugs

Oh they’re just too good to say no

Then suddenly

I wake up

Startled

In the middle of the night

And I’m there

And you’re here

And were together

And nothing else matters

And the world stops

And my toes wiggle

I just lean in closer

All I can feel

Is your warm

Soft brown skin

You take a breath

And your hand finds mine

Encloses and then time

Just stops

I can’t remember anything

And I close my eyes

THE WAY YOU SAY MY NAME

And so it’s through this phone

That I hear you, distant

So far you sound

Saying my name like

A total stranger

Like we never made love

Like we never felt anger

When we didn’t get our way

With each other

Just like we never woke up

So many times before

Like I never saw

Your silhouette in the door

Walking back to sleep

From the bathroom

Finding your side of the bed

Find another reason

To rest my head

Against yours

So many times to you

Have I crawled

You know it takes guts

To call you

In the middle of the night

It takes courage

To hold you

With all my might

In the black

In the light

I guess you just don’t see me

The way I see you

The way I see through

The clear plastic glaze

Glazed over your mask

Glazed over your cocktail flask

Dancing through the night

Coming home to nothing

A hollow shell of an existence

Somehow hoping

To believe these words I spill

To get over you sooner

This rollercoaster shrill

Now just a tired moan

I moan at the moon

It’s shown

My way home

And it’s just sad tonight

Holding this phone

Listening to a voice

I don’t recognize

Speaking words

Feeling things

I just don’t want to feel

You say my name like a stranger

And it’s hard to bite the anger

Into my own phone

Your face in my head

But your voice so far

And it hurts

To know

That so many miles away

You really are

Just so far

So far away

AND SULK AND SLUMBER

I think I was reaching

For the vegan spring rolls

When I said it

“She’s a prostitute man”

Eyes aimed down

Old school-frown

I have to smirk

And grin

Cause if I don’t

I just might break into

Tears

Three years of fears

Closing in on me

Close to using I ask

Myself before he can

How much more of this

Can I with stand

Before my disease

Gets the upper hand

And sends me back

To front row land

Start throwing sand

In the air

No sand castles

Just plumes of dirt and dust

Fucking boundaries

Between lust and love

Lost in the middle

Of a thrust and a shove

Working so hard on so many levels

Of my life

Yet it’s you in the night

Who I want to be next to

The woman I have known for years

All the tears from the world

Splatter, splash and smear

And run off the umbrella

You cover me near

Never needing to grow

I can just sow

And sulk

And slumber

A whole year of December

In your arms

This winter barn

Miracle charm

Only been since Friday

And already I miss your arms

Your hips at my side

Those little waking eyes

In the morning

Asking me how do I feel

Man, I’ll tell you how I feel

Alone and deserted

Spiritually alerted

That I deserve to love myself

The way I have been trained

Knowing and accepting

That the best for me is beyond

This tiny rock of solitude

That I keep choosing

To stay afoot

So let’s just say a foot

Or two closer

Is just maybe a little too

Close for you and me

Because when you’re in the room

My whole world goes boom

And then it’s gone

It’s just me and you and your thong

And all I want is between those thighs

South American eyes

When you run your fingers

Through my hair and rub my ears

I might as well be five years

Old and full of preschool tears

The way mommy used to put me down

That’s the way I feel when

I come home and you’re around

But you see

I came home tonight

You see

And your no where to be found

Probably a few drinks down

A couple pills and a little town

Thousands of miles

Stretched between you and me

And money, and years, and men

Clients and gears

Shifting, paths drifting

Away, further

We stray

I am saddened to say

That when one door closes

Another one opens

Cause here’s hoping

That this new season

Gives me the joy and the reason

To jump out of my little black box

This small little chicken pox

Of a room I keep walking into

Not the body or the hair

The right words

The perfect stare

I want the woman who won’t let go

The woman who can’t say no

To integrity, self respect

Never expecting a check

For something that she didn’t feel

Completely right about

So let me do my own about face

So let me do my own without a trace

Just skip up and out of place

Learned enough

But now clear

The only game I’m playing

Is Truth or Dare

With loving eyes you share

And I no longer need to use

Even when I want to

Cause I already learned

A new way to live

There’s never a reason

To back peddle and skiv

Along the shores of the past

Cause like the tattoos

On my forearms

Today I bear the arms

Of a man who’s walked through flames

I walked through fire

And I walked through

Pain, and even though

I miss my Street Fame

That shit’s changed

And I’ll never be the fucking same

And even through this rough patch

Of briar’s brush

I refuse to keep these wounds a hush

Cause I know it’s the secrets

That’ll take me down

So I tell you what

I’m going through

I share this pain with you again

So I can dip this soft green spring roll

And look you in the eyes

And tell you man, yes I have stepped

Aside, that man, I’m using again

And this time is hurts

She’s been gone for five days

And I’m going through with drawls

My heroin

My heroine

Man I’m going through with drawls

And I don’t like this space

Like the 405 any time of day

This game I just don’t want to play

I want to feel the love that I deserve

I want to be the man that I insure

Every time I kneel down on my knees

And pray

Every day when I bless myself this way

Please god I am asking you tonight

Please give me the courage

And the strength to make it through

Another night

Alone

Cause I don’t want to use

I don’t want to pick up

Whether it’s a pipe

Or whether it’s you

Cause just like your job

Pays you

Man, I sure pay the price

Every time I spend the night

Laying in bed next to you

It just hurts to be without you

Like sugar to a diabetic

Thirty six days without you is hectic

And then add on to the fact

That you’re just the same

As new comers and prostitutes

Small cities, small parachutes

Might as well jump off a barstool

And try and fly

They way I limit myself

With these lies

Why not pick a bigger cliff

Why not pick a brighter sky

Why not pick anything

Besides just getting high

Shape shifting

And face lifting

What in the world am I thinking

I am just barely learning

To love myself

Let alone

Trust in this wealth

That now surrounds me

In every angle of the room

The perfect job

The perfect gloom

Figure and health

Long hair and bedroom eyes

Now if I can just

Get out of my own way

I think I feel some new character

Emerging and trying

To fill this empty room

No need to wait

For the next rainy day in June

I think I’ll just stop, center myself

Sit here and bloom

ONE DAY IN OCTOBER

And the rain

She came to me again finally

Waited all year to feel this wet

Waited all year just hear your dance

The puddles muddle

As I mumble the words

Of romance

Driving slow

The whole world brake lights

Every corner in Los Angeles

Seems to flood in an instant

These memories of life

Inside my head

In an instant

So filled

Falling asleep to the rain

Something of love

Something so soothing

The calming way

The sky cries

The tears of the gods

Plummet to my face

The tears of the world

Cleansing this place

Oh winter this way she comes