Tuesday, May 26, 2009

LYING TO MYSELF

“I see it with my eyes closed” I grumbled out of context

She said, “What?”

Fuck, I thought I was thinking

 

I said I see it with my eyes closed

Making waves in the ocean

With my new lover my minds froze

 

Watching galaxies fade away from the bed

The colors, they turn from orange to red

Splashing in this current I stay focused

On this new stranger I land like locusts

In these fields

Devouring this flesh

Through you I travel like mesh

Eating away at your skin this condom feels so thin

Just enough separation to feel the strange in this stranger

Now once again becoming

My new lover

 

We twist and turn like a tetherball on a rope

You return smashing like leather I hope

We learn these new moves

Together we orchestrate

The vibrancy of a new love date

I sweat, eyes stay closed

Opening a new road to home

 

The colors build up in my pockets

Releasing this light into deep sockets

Show me how deep this love can be

Tread with me on this wave

Digging into you deep like a cave

You paid me in full I am your sexual slave

Save me from this nightmare

From the corners of my eyes I stare

Peeking out the windows of my soul, eating this meal I deal

Slowly letting you win, I turn to sin as I climax

My heart aches

While the oceans furl

My toes curl and these anchors 

Just swirl

 

I collapse like lungs unto this platform of doves gently

Holding me afloat sore like a throat you come back to me

Through dead eyes the room falls, the camera hits the floor

We both lay crooked

Watercolors dry and crack

I lay back

As grey matter turns to black

Dead pan floored I stare

Blank like the desert

Imagining you next to me it hurts

Why are you doing this to me?

Ruining my new girl with this old world

You were supposed to leave me alone tonight

Now she can feel these scars through

These gentle bars of tragedy, I sting

Like a magnet you pull me, like disease you kill me

Haunting my orgasms you thrill me

Like a haunted house

You just jump out

From behind couches and screams

You yell

Just lying there in my arms like a cadaver

I mourn you again

 

New friend naked and panting telling me I am so amazing

While I’m already in my head watching you fall back to sleep

The arches in your back

Your pretty freckled face

Spills all over this place

I’m tucking you back in

I’m plucking this black tin

Harp into songs of separation

Singing this melody alone across town

Bed sheets soaked

Hearts full and choked

Knots in my back

I relax

Into this morphine drip allowing the darkness

To succumb me away

I love dying this way

 

A few minutes pass

I stand and walk away

As if an act of defiance and allegiance to you

I am going crazy it’s true

My mind is broken it’s blue

And it rains in the sun

This pain feels fun

And time means nothing - to me anymore

This pain means nothing - to me anymore

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